Reasons to call 911...(1st ed.)

1. To take your temperature. ($400+ thermometer...also we only carry rectal thermometers)

2. Someone is angry at you (why not call 911 and have them committed).

3. You fell someplace, took a cab home, and called 911 to go to hospital (although the cab is still in the driveway).

4. You're fatigued.

5. You're not sleeping well.

6. You're lonely.

7. You want to be seen faster.

8. You go to one hospital, get tired of waiting, and are waiting in your car to be taken to a second hospital.

9. You're drunk (alcoholism is not a disease...it's a lifestyle).

10. You've been sick for a week (and you want to go to hospital at 2am).

11. It's your first day on your new job and you don't like it.